How God Assures Me He’s On It :: A Much Needed Sunday Healing

Originally posted on HOPE*ann*FAITH:

Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy
Sweet, Sad Eyed Boy

This is my sweet boy. My youngest. My sad little guy. And OH how he had reason for that sweet, sad look. And OH how I sometimes, still, ache for my blindness.

The Man
The Man

This is the man… angry and battling his demons. Very scary demons. And OH how I dreamed of reaching that sweet boy who was hidden in that angry man. I was incapable of reaching into him, to the boy. He wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t, still am not allowed to even hug him. It’s truly heartbreaking for me. And I’m sure his heart is broken. But He battles daily with his illness, his addiction. Heroin. And even when he stumbles, slips and falls flat out; he gets back up to battle. He’s superman in his head. He still thinks he needs to be I think. Because, I couldn’t protect him, because he…

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Thursday Open Thread – November 13th

Originally posted on The Last Refuge:

tomb of the unknown rainOur Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come. THY WILL BE DONE, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but DELIVER US FROM EVIL.

For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen †

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Let Go And Let GOD Be God

“O our God, will You not exercise judgement upon them? For we have no might to stand against this great company that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” ~~2 Chronicles 20:12

Here Jehoshaphat admits to God openly his total inability to deal with the problem. For years I tried very hard to change myself without success. I tried so hard and so long to break bad habits only to fail time and time again. I tried to alter different things in my life, to get prosperity, to make my ministry grow, and to be healed. I remember wanting to give up because I was so exhausted from trying to fight my own battles. I went through all that on a regular basis until I was being really kind of melodramatic about it, trying to impress God with how miserable I was. I said something like, “God, I’ve had it. This is it. I’m through. Nothing I’m doing is working. I give up. I’m not going to do this anymore. Just then, deep inside me, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Really?” There was real excitement in His voice. That happens because the only time He gets to work in us is when we become so exhausted that we finally decide,  “Instead of trying to do this myself, I’m going to let go and let God be God.” Trying to be God will wear you out fast. Why not give up your own effort and do what Jehoshaphat did in verse 12? Admit to God that you have no might to stand against your enemies and that you don’t know what to do, but you’re looking to Him for direction and deliverance. source: New Day, NEW YOU, Joyce Meyers, 2007

I always have had problems with setting, and keeping boundaries. As a child, I had only two choices: comply or get a beating. In school we had no choices, it was their way or the highway.  I was not allowed to define my own boundaries or to be myself. I was expected to defend myself, because in those days, the teachers and doctors were god and were never wrong. And…whatever they said was the law.

I believe my addictions began about the age of twelve. I used to escape a critical, confining, and controlling environment. I did not believe there was a god, or else I was such a horrible child that I deserved to treated the way that I was, so I wanted no part of him or established religion.

In my recovery, I found God, because I had tried living my life my way, and I had hit bottom in order to be desperate enough to give into something that I thought was make-believe and not real. I was allowed choices. I could go on to the bitter end, or try this god-thing.

I was allowed to choose the God that I needed for me. I chose one that was not a hateful, abusive, critical, condemning, controlling God. Through the years, I have learned to let go a lot sooner, and ask God for help, instead of suffering alone. I was taught that all I have to do is to do my best and leave the results up to God. We have to do the “footwork” or the next “right thing”. I make a lot better decisions today and I have a lot more serenity as a by product of “right living”.  No, I am not perfect because I am human. I am a Human Being, not a Human Doing. I almost died trying to be perfect, and still today I have “defects of character” that I am working with God on. 

Who Are You??

Originally posted on Journey with God:

You are not what you label yourself to be for you are your own worst critic
You are not what others label you either for they don’t know who you are
You ARE what GOD says you ARE for HE created YOU

YOU ARE –

Chosen — John 15:16-19, Ephesians 1:4
Loved — Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, John 3:16-17
Righteous — 2 Corinthians 5:21
Forgiven — 1 John 1:9, Proverbs 28:13, Ephesians 1:7
Holy — Hebrews 10:10, John 17:19
New — 2 Corinthians 5:17
God’s Child — Isaiah 43:1, John 1:12, Romans 8:15-17

Related Links:
What Does the Bible Say About Me?
What God Says About Me!
Who Does God Say that I Am?
Why Are You Special?

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Loving and Honoring Yourself Is NOT Selfish!

LOVE YOURSELF

As a child I was taught to not be selfish and think about all the other starving children or orphans. It was drilled into me that I should not think about myself, and think about others. I lost my identity about the age of twelve when my addictions began.

No one told me to be good to me, or that it was ok for me to think about my needs too. I became an “enabler” and a “Co-Dependent” person. I hated me because I was never perfect, and could never live up to the expectations set on me by my parents. I grew to hate me and magnified all my flaws and did not look at the good things about me. I was terrified of being “abandoned” and not being loved, or being different from others. I allowed others to define me because I had no definition of myself, except so and so’s daughter, so and so’s wife. It was not alright for me to be me, or for me to choose who I wanted to be. I lived in Fantasy instead of Reality, because I hated myself and my life so much that I escaped the pain through my addictions. I had an “addictive personality”. 

Praise God, in my recovery, I have learned that I have a choice, and I can choose who I want to be, where I want to live, what I want to do, and that I AM Special, Loved, Wanted, and Needed, “Just as I am”. I am not Selfish, but I think of me less. My program taught me how to have relationships with the priorities in order of number one God, then myself, and then others. I don’t have to give up me to be loved by you. I can be happy serving God, but taking care of me and my family too. We are supposed to take care of ourselves first then others. Like the example of the oxygen mask, if I don’t take care of me then I am not strong enough to help others. 

C.S. Lewis

God’s Special People

Originally posted on StopAndPrayTV:

1 Peter 2:9-10

Sometimes, even believers have trouble remembering their purpose in life. In the busyness of our day-to-day activities, it is rather easy to forget how wonderfully and purposefully designed we are in the eyes of our Creator. Yet 1 Peter 2:9-10 brings our focus back to God, showing us that He made us to be . . .

1. A chosen race. You did not have to fight for a place in the house of the Lord. Instead, He chose you. The God of the universe actively sought you out because He wanted an unending relationship with you. You were selected by God Himself!

2. A royal priesthood. In the days of the Old Testament, a king could not be a priest, and a priest could not be a king. The two offices were separate and distinct. However, in Christ, God has called every believer into a new…

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My Spiritual Journey

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