We Are Not Responsible for the Actions of Others!!

Today, Sally, we believe God wants you to know that greatness is your birthright.

Who are You to shine brighter than others? Who are You to take a step forward when others are shrinking back? Who are You to make others feel insecure with your greatness? You are a child of God. Take a step forward, shine bright, – inspire others with your light to their own greatness.

Do NOT allow others to make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself and your family first. The Bible tells us to do just that! Take care of Americans FIRST! Do NOT allow others to manipulate you with fear or guilt. No one chooses to be used or abused. Change you, the only one that you can change. Get the hell away from those that want to use and abuse you and blame you for their unhappiness. 

Abusers control, manipulate and make you feel like your are the one with the problem. Stand up, Speak out and take back your life. You are NOT to blame!

Never lost a thing

abbie in wondrland

Most every time I’m with a group of sober people, someone talks about the things they lost because of their addiction. “I lost my kids, my spouse, job, my truck, my self-respect, etc., etc., etc. to my drug of choice.”


I gotta say that I agree with what an oldtimer used to say about that. He said “I never lost anything because of my drinking. I traded it all. Nothing was more important to me than that next drink, so when the disease demanded that I give away my family and my job, I agreed.”

“Give it away, give it away, give it away, now”

He said “I didn’t lose my wife, I knew right where she was- at my neighbors house! She left me because I wouldn’t stop drinking or acting a fool. I can’t blame her! I didn’t lose my house. It’s right where it’s always been…

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Abuse is NOT your fault. Yes, really.

Abuse is NOT your fault. Yes, really.

I love your blog. I was looking for information to help me write on my blog, and I came across your blog.

It reminded me of the year 2000 when I left my abusive, psychopathic, stalking husband. I had to leave town to get away from his stalking and to feel safe. You are spot on. No one deserves to be abused and we did not cause it! No more excuses for unacceptable behavior.

I have now been married to the love of my life for ten years. I refused to let my ex hold me down, or disillusion me about men. Not all men are bad or abusive, and we did not cause it, or deserve it. We did NOT choose to be abused! 

Avalanche of the soul

Does your abusive partner start sentences with ‘If you loved me, you’d…’? When she apologises, is she expert in shifting the blame onto something or someone else (usually you)? Then there’s something BIG that you need to know: It’s not your fault. Yes, really.

Is your abusive partner dodging responsibility?

If you are in an abusive relationship, you will have heard these phrases (or variations of them). I call these the ‘if, only and just’ statements, and they are crafted to shift the blame elsewhere:

  • I wouldn’t need to do this if you would listen to me / stop doing that / do things right
  • I only act this way because you drive me crazy
  • If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do something that you know upsets me so much
  • It’s just because I’m stressed out with work that I am short-tempered at home
  • If I had a better…

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Amen, praise God that today, I know that I have a choice. When someone pushes my buttons and tries to piss me off, I have a choice, and  I can choose to not “react”, or I can “react” and lose my serenity. I value my serenity and peace of mind today. 

I choose to live in the “solution” instead of the “problem”. I choose to remove myself from the drama. I cannot change anyone else, but I don’t have to put up with their bad attitudes and actions. I remove myself…I pray…I leave…go to a meeting…visit a friend…or maybe take a vacation. 

People have a choice too, and if they choose to continue to live in the “chaos”, that is their choice. I cannot stop others from living in the drama, but I can choose to not participate or live in it with them.

Moma always told us that if we could not say something nice then we should not say anything at all. I think that is some very good advice. It is not that I don’t want to help others, but I have come to accept that I cannot do it for them. 

I cannot imagine that when a person finds out that they have a choice,  that they would choose to be miserable. 

The Number One Thing That I Want to Convey to Others is That No One Can Force Anyone Else to Seek Recovery No Matter How Much You Love Them


OMG, everyday I am more grateful for the many blessings, that God has put in my life as a result of working my Al-Anon program for thirty years.

God did not promise us that we would not have problems, just that He would help us cope with them by giving us the strength and courage to live through them, or solve them. Just because I have thirty years of recovery does not mean that I am immune to “life problems”.  

The number one thing that I want to convey to others is that no one can force anyone else to seek recovery no matter how much they love them.  

Until I got miserable enough to seek help, I was not motivated to change and do the “footwork”, therefore I could not grow or improve. Therefore I stayed stuck and miserable. I believed that there was nothing that I could do to change my situation or that I had any choice to make better decisions. 

I have been dealing with a lot of problems lately. My husband had his Taver (Heart Valve) surgery on Friday, May 13, 2016. The surgery went wonderful. 

We were really worried about whether he would come out of the surgery. Two years ago, there was no help for someone with CHF. Dr. Biswajit Kar, MD –  Cardiovascular Disease Specialist at Memorial Hermann, in Houston, Texas. He was the only one that could do the job. Ten years ago, my husband would not have survived his sixtieth birthday without the surgery. 

We had prayed for God to be with us, and that we wanted God’s will. Of course, we wanted him to live. So, one more time God showed us that He was still with us.  Len survived the surgery, and is recuperating in the Cardiac Intensive Care unit. I do have hope for the future, and he should be able to come home soon. But my husband has to be the one to do the Cardiac Rehab.  God, knows that I cannot do it for him. He has to be the one to do the “footwork”. Maybe he will do it, we will see. I know that all I can do is to pray for him. 

“In recovering from a dysfunctional family system, I have to pay particular attention to the “me-versus-them” thinking and how it immobilized me.  As an adult, I still sometimes lose myself in certain relationships (especially my husband). When I look at it this way, I am reminded that I don’t have to lose myself again,  in the disease or in relationships.” source: Hope for Today, Al-Anon Family Group, 2002