Are You Helping or Hurting = Enabling??

This close to Mother’s Day, and working in the field that I do, I have really been remembering how I was taught to be a Caretaker. My Mother raised me to be a loving, kind, unselfish, independent, strong, and moral person. I grew up living in my dream world, where everyone loved everybody, and there were no mean, hateful, and abusive people.

I have tried to help others all my life. I married an abusive and unfaithful man, and tried to fix him. Of course, it did not work, because we cannot Control, Change, or Cure anyone. I had to learn the difference between helping or hurting. I had to learn the meaning of “Enabling“. Enabling is doing for someone else, what they could do for themselves. If we continue to “enable” someone, then it serves to make them irresponsible, and not be responsible for their own choices and actions. The Al-Anon program taught me so much. I am powerless over others, and the only person that I can help is myself.

It is NOT being selfish to take care of yourself, and your needs. If you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t help others.

A good Mother will try to help their children, and help them learn from their mistakes. We are human, and we all fail sometime. A good Mother will not hang on so tight, that she suffocates her children. I had the best Mother that there is. She taught me to be strong and to love God. I wish that everyone could have the wonderful Mother that I had for 58 years. She never gave up on us, and was always there when we needed her.