All my life I tried to be someone else. I worshiped my Mother and wanted to be just like her. She was a wife and mother of six children. She had her hands full.
Daddy didn’t make a whole lot of money, but he always had work. He was a hard working, law abiding, good father. We never did without anything we needed.
Mother was a homemaker. She cooked and cleaned, did all the ironing, and even took in ironing to help feed the family. She taught me a love for books. She had a good husband, and six wonderful children. I wanted to be just like her. Everyone loved her and respected her. She made our house a home.
I was a dreamer and very creative. I loved sewing, crafts, and my reading. I escaped my problems through my books and my fantasy world.
I don’t know where I got the idea, but I believed that I had to be loved, wanted and needed in order to be happy. I thought that I wanted to be a writer, and I always had a journal to write my feelings in. I wrote letters to God too. I really had no identity of my own. I believed that I had to be like someone else. No one ever told me that they loved me no matter what I said or did, or that it was alright to just be me. I always felt different than the other everyone else.
Forty years later and four marriages, I finally learned that it is alright to just be me, and that God loved me no matter what! I read this quote, ten years ago, I thought by accident, but now I know that God led me to it.
“Why Are You Trying To Fit In when you were made to stand out?”
Then this year I came across the quote, “Why Fit In When You Were Born To Stand Out?”
I had felt like such a failure, because everything I tried to do, had turned out bad. I married an abusive and unfaithful man, and I could not have children of my own.
When I finally hit my bottom, twenty five years ago, I called out to God, that I was angry at; and had blamed for my horrible life. I begged Him to save me. It is a long story maybe I will finish my book one day. I dreamed of being Louisa Mae Alcott, she was my heroine.
So sad, that I never felt good enough. God, the twelve steps, and therapy helped me to let go of the pain, and start my life over.