Givers And Takers

My mentor told me years ago~~”Sally, in this world there are Givers and Takers. You are a Giver, and as long as you are willing to Give the Takers will Take until they Suck you dry if you let them!” 

I had to learn how to set boundaries, and start saying, NO when I needed to. I had to relearn some things that were not benefiting or helping me, and were keeping me in the Victim mode. I had been taught to not be selfish, and think about the “starving children in Africa“, etc..I was taught by some self righteous Christians, that I should not be selfish, thank God for the twelve steps, I learned a new way to live. Healthy, Happy, and Independent. I did not become heartless, I just had to learn to start being true to mine own self and needs. One of our quotes to live by is: “To Thy Own Self Be True”. 

I had became Co-Dependent and depended on others too much. I almost allowed the Takers to suck me dry!! When I reached the point of Depression and thoughts of Suicide, I decided that I either had to “let go” or die, and that I must take care of me first or I was of no use to anyone else.  I learned that my needs are important too, and that it was OK to take care of me, and that I did NOT have to give up me in order to be loved. I had to learn how to have relationships with God #1, Myself #2, and then Others #3. 

People who sit back and whine about their life’s and how everybody “done, done them wrong”, are playing the Victim, and they are not helping themselves to grow or succeed in life. They stay stuck and angry and are allowing their resentments to “eat them up”. They are a drain on society. I chose to take control of my own life, and change what I could about me. I learned that it was NOT my job to fix the rest of the world, and if they wanted what I had then they had to be willing to go to any lengths to get it. And…that there are NO free rides! I chose to become a Victor instead of a Victim. 

Today by the Grace of a loving and forgiving God, I have Peace and Serenity

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8 Comments

  1. Hi Sally,
    I saw you had like one of my articles and thought I’d come over to see what you are writing. And wow, I have been in the same place as you. But, I went to therapy and learned, like you, that I can’t give to everyone. That I have to take care of my own needs first or I’m no good for anyone else. It was such a freeing experience.

    I don’t like to feel like a “victim” so I call myself a survivor of sexual abuse. I would not lay down and allow it to ruin my life. I fought long and hard for my sanity. It was a very difficult and long road but I was determined to get on the other side of the depression and I too had to learn how to set boundaries.

    I like what you have written here. It is so refreshing to hear another woman who helps herself.

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    1. Thanks so nice of you to say. I am grateful that you got help too. I turned to alcohol and drugs to try to make me feel better about me, but nothing worked. I use the God as my higher power, worked the 12 Steps, and went to therapy. Yes, it was a long road to travel. But…by the grace of a loving and forgiving God, I have been clean and sober since 1-1-87. Almost 26 years now. No other way to live. No longer silent, no longer a Victim but a Survivor. God bless you, Sally

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      1. You are quite welcome and deserve it. For some reason I never turned to alcohol or drugs. Why I have no idea. I compliment you for beating that besides your other issues. It takes a lot to get off drugs and alcohol.

        Well bless your heart, Sally. I really like the things you say. A woman after my own heart.

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    1. I went back to college in 2007 for IT and I graduated with Honors with a BS in ISS in September 2011. I helped care for my Mother, who was 84 until she passed away on March 6, 2012. I am currently looking for contract work, so I can stay at home with my husband who is disabled.

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  2. Sally,

    You have a lot of courage and determination. I can tell from all you did. I went back to school after my divorce at age 45. It was an all men’s club in IT at that time. I had to take a lot of guff but I never let it get into my way. I worked hard and got promotions when those men were stumbling around not doing much work. I never thought of myself as a victim in the workplace like a lot of women do. I shrugged it off and went on with my ambitions.

    I hope you find contract work to be able to stay home with your hubby. Mine is not in such good shape either.

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