I just realized why people like that irritate me so much. In the past, I was so insecure and I had such low self-esteem, that I needed others approval to try to make me feel better. No matter how much attention I got, it was never enough. I was “other-centered”. I spent many years trying to please others so that they would love me. I was a “people-pleaser”.
I threw away a good man because I was not happy with myself. He could never give me enough attention or please me. I was so self-centered, and I did not even know it. Nothing that he could have done would have made me happy, because I was not happy with me. Of course, I didn’t realize it at that time.
Some people get sick to get attention. Some women become promiscuious to obtain attention, not even realizing that they are not being “loved” but “used”. Some whine, complain, and even put their lifes in danger in order to get more attention.
I know that I have grown in the last five years, because I don’t need attention in order to feel better about myself.
Dear Lord, I am so grateful that I don’t think that I have to do, or say something to try and make me feel better about who I am, or where I am, or what I look like. My sobriety had taught me the difference between “love” and “lust”.
Most of my fifty years had been spent searching for someone or something to make me feel better about myself.
I wrote this in my journal on 15 March 2004. I remained single for six years.
When I learned to be happy with me “just as I am”, then God gave me the “love of my life” on 17 December 2005, we married on 27 January 2006. We had prayed for each other it seemed like forever. I was terrified of making another mistake. I prayed about it continually. This time we promised each other that this is it, this is for keeps “until death we part”. We have been happily married now for six years. He is not perfect and neither am I but we are “perfect for each other”.