“If the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”
I did not believe that I was “playing God”. I thought that I just wanted my husband to stop drinking and get better. Truth was I wanted him to get better so that I would not have to get divorced and go to work. I was terrified of being alone, and I had no job skills. My baby was only four. I had to learn that I was not God and I had no right to try and control my alcoholic and make decisions for him. I tried to change him and then when I was tired of going crazy trying to change him and not getting the results that I wanted, I finally had to “let go and let God”. I accepted the fact that I was not God, and then I had peace and serenity for the first time in a long time. Whenever I work with a new person, I make sure to tell them that I am NOT God, and I could only help them to recover. But…that they had to find God and work the steps.