Abuse is NOT your fault. Yes, really.

I love your blog. I was looking for information to help me write on my blog, and I came across your blog.

It reminded me of the year 2000 when I left my abusive, psychopathic, stalking husband. I had to leave town to get away from his stalking and to feel safe. You are spot on. No one deserves to be abused and we did not cause it! No more excuses for unacceptable behavior.

I have now been married to the love of my life for ten years. I refused to let my ex hold me down, or disillusion me about men. Not all men are bad or abusive, and we did not cause it, or deserve it. We did NOT choose to be abused! 

Avalanche of the soul

Does your abusive partner start sentences with ‘If you loved me, you’d…’? When she apologises, is she expert in shifting the blame onto something or someone else (usually you)? Then there’s something BIG that you need to know: It’s not your fault. Yes, really.

Is your abusive partner dodging responsibility?

If you are in an abusive relationship, you will have heard these phrases (or variations of them). I call these the ‘if, only and just’ statements, and they are crafted to shift the blame elsewhere:

  • I wouldn’t need to do this if you would listen to me / stop doing that / do things right
  • I only act this way because you drive me crazy
  • If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do something that you know upsets me so much
  • It’s just because I’m stressed out with work that I am short-tempered at home
  • If I had a better…

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