No More Excuses! You Are Responsible For Your Own Life!

“Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only.”~~~James 1: 22 (KJV)

One of the things that I remember most that my boss and mentor taught me was that if we wanted to change and grow, then we must take Responsibility for our own lives. He had “NO MORE EXCUSES” painted in bold black letters behind his desk at Central unit. He worked with and helped many a “hurting” inmate who needed him to teach them how to “grow up” and become responsible for themselves. 

I was a Counselor in the T.D.C.J.-ID Central unit for five years, and Responsibility was one of the principles that I taught the inmates. Personal Responsibility was one of the principles that was really hard for them to accept.

They had spent most of their lives blaming others for all their problems. They blamed their parents, society, and the world for all their problems. They believed that if only their parents had not abused them, or abandoned them that their lives would be better; or if the cops had not picked on them.

They claimed no responsibility for their “bad decisions“. They were in prison paying their consequences for those “bad decisions”. I reminded them that they were not “bad people” they just made “bad decisions“.

And if they did not “grow up” and take responsibility for their own life’s that they would stay stuck and victims. For recovery and their freedom they would have to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions, but not for others decisions or choices.  

One of the biggest problems in our society today is that people don’t want to take responsibility for their lives. I call it the “blame-game“. They want quick fixes. Society has trained them to believe that if they have problems, somebody else is responsible. Their parents, spouses, schools, or employers are responsible. The company that made the cigarettes or vehicle or junk food is responsible

I am not saying that you are completely responsible for the current state of your life. Lots of uncontrollable events occur in our lives. sometimes we do get very bad messages in childhood. Sometimes we have bad people in our lives who hurt us. The situation that you find yourself in may or may not be your fault. But it is your fault if you choose to not “let it go” and “grow”. We have choices. We either “grow” or we “go”. No matter how you got to where you are today, don’t use it as an excuse to stay there. 

I have heard our program for living as a “self help” program, and I resent that analogy. It is not!

Our whole foundation is based on God and a “higher power”. If I could have healed myself, then I would have done it years ago instead of waiting until I was thirty two. Nothing is impossible with God.

 

JESUS LOVES ME!

I learned this song as a child, and I really love it today. We are to deliver the message, and they can do with it what they will. They will have to pay their consequences not us. No more EXCUSES! No matter what happens to me, I know that Jesus loves me and will NEVER forsake me. I left Him, he did not leave me. Like a gentleman, he waited for me to choose His will for my life. No one can separate us from God unless we allow them to. We must contine to “fight the good fight, and fight evil! We are in a Spiritual War for our souls! Satan works through people and comes in many forms to seek and destroy.  

Are You Helping or Hurting = Enabling??

I am re-posting a earlier post that I hope everyone who needs to see it does. I pray to “help” not “hurt”.

I woke up today thinking about the topic of “hurting” or “helping” again today. I have been praying for God to “direct my thinking” and to help me to share what I need to share to try to help others find peace and serenity like I did. I am again dealing with trying to “help” not “hurt” a close family member that I love dearly and only want to help.

My natural instinct is to try and “fix”, “control”, or “cure” them. I admit that I hate being powerless! And…that reminded me that~~I have no right to try and do my will instead of God’s will. I wanted to fix the world, but I learned that was God’s job not mine. Thank God for AA, AL-ANON and all the twelve step programs.

“Acceptance is the answer to my problem. When I stopped living in the problem, and started living in the answer, the problem went away.” (AA Big Book, page 448) ~~the quote out of the book saved my sanity and serenity many times in the last Twenty Six (26) years. 

Sally's Serenity Spot

This close to Mother’s Day, and working in the field that I do, I have really been remembering how I was taught to be a Caretaker. My Mother raised me to be a loving, kind, unselfish, independent, strong, and moral person. I grew up living in my dream world, where everyone loved everybody, and there were no mean, hateful, and abusive people.

I have tried to help others all my life. I married an abusive and unfaithful man, and tried to fix him. Of course, it did not work, because we cannot Control, Change, or Cure anyone. I had to learn the difference between helping or hurting. I had to learn the meaning of “Enabling“. Enabling is doing for someone else, what they could do for themselves. If we continue to “enable” someone, then it serves to make them irresponsible, and not be responsible for their own…

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Recovery # 4~~Wants Versus Needs

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Wants Versus Needs

“Wants versus needs. There are actual needs, and there are arbitrary wants. The most basic needs you as a human require for survival are oxygen, water, food, clothing and shelter. Anything beyond those are “wants”.

Many things can satisfy your basic needs. A cave for shelter, a blanket for clothing, rainwater for water, but you must have them for basic survival. Wants have nothing to do with actual survival.

When you cannot distingush between wants versus needs, or if you can’t identify a want as a want, you set yourself up to live in a constant state of craving and disappointment.

If you don’t get an item or situation you have been hoping for, ask yourself if it was just an arbitrary want. Was it something you decided to want based on an advertisement or suggestion, or did it just pop into your head?

Don’t get me wrong–I want things I don’t need just as much as anyone. But when it looks like I may not get them, I ask myself what it is, and realize in almost every case, it was just an arbitrary want, brought on by a “that would be cool” whim that popped into my head out of no where.

When you recognize a want as just a want, you begin to realize the silliness of wanting things and situations based on nothing in particular, and the futility of being disappointed when they don’t materialize.

But isn’t it selfish to want money or a job or a relationship or cool stuff? It depends. If your desires are born of the ego, of a desire to avoid bad feelings or lack or loneliness, or to boost your identity, yes–that is selfish, and even if you get what you want, it will not help you to feel good. But if your goals are born of spirit–of a desire to share, to create beauty and good, to help others lose their ever-present fear that drives them to seek happiness in things that cannot give it to them, no, that is not selfish. That is spiritual. That is God-like. Yes, you can want and have abundance.”

http://www.happiness-quotes.com/wantsversusneeds.html

I spent most of my life searching for something or someone to make me happy, or to change the way I felt. For some reason I believed that if I had the “right” body, the “right” husband, the “right” house, the “right” job, then I would be happy. I wasted a lot of years “wanting” something else besides what I had.  By the grace of God and the twelve steps I learned to be content with what I have.

My grandfather used to say, “Always wanting what is not. When it is cold you want it hot. When it is hot you want it cold.” No matter what I had I always thought that I should have something else. By following the principles that I have learned in my program of recovery, I have learned “in whatsoever state I am in to be content.” God supplies all of our needs, and some of our wants. I had to learn to be happy with whatever God gave me, and stop being an ungrateful brat.  Our minister put it in a sermon, “More, More, More….” .

For the first time in my life, I am happy with exactly what I have. I have a wonderful husband and family, a comfortable home and nice truck to drive. We have all of our needs met by God’s grace.  I have few wants nowadays, so I am happy with little. I have had much and I have had little. Things cannot make you happy. I have had the “things”, that I thought would make me happy, but they did not.

God has to be number one, then me wanting to do God’s will for me will make me happy.

A CONFIDENT WOMAN

A Confident Woman

Most of my life I resented and envied Confident Women. I wanted to be a woman with Confidence. Instead I was a little girl, that was afraid of everything and everybody. I was a skinny, flat, and insecure little girl.

Where did I get my confidence from?? My confidence comes from a Higher Power, that I call God. I had to first “hit my bottom”, and ask for help. God never forced Himself on me. I tried many things to help make me feel better about me, but none worked. I used people and things to try and fix me. None of it worked. 

At the age of sixteen, I was so miserable, that I decided I was going to live my life the way that I wanted to. No longer living to try and please someone else. This was NOT my bottom. I spent the next seventeen years living, or really existing in a chaotic and crazy world. I hated me and I was miserable as hell. I had NO God in my life. I ran my life on self will. I thought that if I had the “right” body, the “right” husband, the “right” job, the “right” house, and “if only” people would just do what I wanted them to~~then I would be happy. Nothing worked. Until I hit my bottom and started searching for help~~nothing got better.

My bottom was when the alcohol and pills stopped working, and I was barely surviving in an abusive marriage, I had no job skills and a four year old. I wanted to die.  By God’s grace, I had a family that I could turn to for help, but they could NOT fix me. They loved me and I will be forever grateful that they never gave up on me. I found my higher power in AA.

My journey began in 1987, and it has been a long, hard road, but today twenty six years later~~I am finally at peace and I have serenity. I have a God who loves me “unconditionally”, and a group of drunks = god~~who taught me how to live and be happy with myself and my life.

My maternal grandfather always used to say, “Always wanting what is not, when it is cold you want it hot, and when it is hot you want it cold”. 

St. Paul said, “I have learned in whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content“. 

I thank God everyday for this gift of sobriety and serenity. No one else could do it for me. I had to want it more than anything else. 

AA meeting sign
AA meeting sign (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

Stained glass window of the sacred Heart of Je...

Jesus H. Christ
Jesus H. Christ (Photo credit: angelofsweetbitter2009)
Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...
Stained glass at St John the Baptist’s Anglican Church http://www.stjohnsashfield.org.au, Ashfield, New South Wales. Illustrates Jesus’ description of himself “I am the Good Shepherd” (from the Gospel of John, chapter 10, verse 11). This version of the image shows the detail of his face. The memorial window is also captioned: “To the Glory of God and in Loving Memory of William Wright. Died 6th November, 1932. Aged 70 Yrs.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BEAUTIFUL!  A MUST SEE FOR ALL PEOPLE! JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!I WILL BE CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS, NOT HOLIDAYS FOR SANTA!